My public apology..

I owe one person an explanation, and a GIANT apology. Granted, I've told him to to his face I was sorry many times, but I feel like that's not enough, as there are still current struggles.

A few days ago, (or earlier this week) I was feeling upset, discouraged and VERY VERY guilty. In regards to a note Leena had written. Out of pure guilt, instead of bucking up, being honest, and facing the truth. I opted to take the low road and hide the truth about some things I had said. Which, is deeply wrong and against everything I believe in as a human, a Mom, a friend, and a person.

What it all boils down to, I wasn't thinking clearly, I was consumed with guilt about what Leena had said. I wasn't using caution or thinking about ANYONE else's feelings. Not mine, not Leena's, not Jeff's. I was so worried about how it would make Leena feel towards me, I did whatever I could to rid myself of the pressure and guilt. Which is where I went wrong by not seeking counsel, guidance, or prayer for that matter. I bit the bullet and did something absolutely outlandish. I forced a few things on Jeff, in which he was NOT ok with it, at all. All to make myself not feel bad. I'm horribly embarrassed!! Mortified, and I wish I hadn't done any of it. Similar instances have happened before and I not once behaved in such a manner.

With that said, Brian, I'm so very sorry =( You have been nothing but a dream come true to me. You've done everything amazingly well, and right. Right by me, and you and little ones involved. I'm sorry I've been so selfish to not think of your feelings, or anyone else, but my own. This has been such a learning lesson, as it's filled with me guilt, grief, and shame. Please accept my apology and know that it was a guilted decision, and a selfish one. It never going to happen again, you have my word, let this be the promissory note. My life if an open book to you, in which I encourage you to read along with me, and help me write the remaining chapters. You've NEVER once, been anything less than #1. I'm so sorry if I made you feel otherwise =( Please, please, forgive me? You have my heart. Love you.