Since 2014

In my previous post, I confess to not doing my blogging....which has always been therapeutic for me.

Since then, I left my job. Took a part time one, that was local in town. Which...I will say this. HARDEST 6ms of my life. Going from something full time, and an adapted income to part time, a huge pay decrease, and not very fulfilling. Scariest 6ms of my life, seriously. In hindsight I don't know how I did it. I honestly don't. I took a l=job last fall, as a contract to permanent employee, under the Clarisonic brand, which is owned by L'oreal. Because of where I live, commuting north is quite common since because of the military base down here, housing is less, so jobs can pay less. Go north where Boeing, Microsoft, Starbucks, Amazon, etc are all based. Housing in areas is easily in the millions and cost of living is higher, meaning higher pay. It's in their warranty department. We test peoples devices, some come back fine, and others are something we don't want to touch. We also replace thousands of devices a year, that are under warranty. I actually enjoy it because it's interesting to hear people RAVE about a product so much for one. Two, my hours allow me more time with my kids, three. I just got hired on as a permanent L'oreal employee, and have stellar benefits etc. We get discounts on whatever other company L'oreal owns. So I have Christmas and birthday presents picked out for my sisters. Haha. It's a long drive, and a lot of commitment on my end, but my no sleep and doing apparently well, has paid off.

Kids-

Leena is now 13.5 She's about 5'0" exactly, and will be surpassing me soon. She's in 7th grade and very proud of her 4.0 GPA. I am too! She tries so hard to make sure she's always doing good. She is kinda an overachiever and I saw this coming from her when she was about 5 or so. If you ever corrected her on her grammar, she would cry. And tell you, you were wrong, haha. She is BENT on going to Columbia University. She's wanting nothing less than an Ivy league school. I hope Eli helps out with that! She also is superior with her brother, she's taught him how to read better, write better, and they love to sit and do basic math with each other. (AHHH!! MATH!! YUCK!!) She's turning into a little lady, and it's definitely bittersweet. I miss coming home to her teaparties with all her stuffed animals, that she would individually name (IE: SuffPokeyMaxine) and dress to the nines, and be a saint and clean it all up with minimal help. My mom has always called her AngeLeena, and she's stood true to that divine name.

Landon is now 6.5 and in Kindergarten. He and Leenas schools share a parking lot, so on the days I do have to go back and forth, it's literally a crosswalk apart. Landon is in a mainstream class, with the occasional pull out for his Special Education. Having 2 kids at the opposite realms of education, is humbling. I have my daughter who can't learn enough, or fast enough, with straight A's, and my son who has autism, and finds large groups settings difficult to learn in, and can sometimes act out because of it. They're both different and I love them to inifinity because of that. He started off in September having difficulty even holding a pencil to write his name. Now, I see "Landon" on everything. And sometimes, he write "Landon 10" on things as well. (he was the 10th kid in his preschool, and 10 was his assigned number last year) He is OBSESSED with the color yellow. And always has loved cars and trains. And ever since we had to re-home our kitten, Meeka about 15ms ago, he's got a deep love for cats.

Landon is a riot. The Ellie Goulding song "Love me like you do", came on. And he was back in his car seat singing "love me like a dude! touch me like a dude!" we quickly corrected him hahaha.

I love my kids.

Because I suffer from love/hate of social media.

My little blog has been neglected for almost a year.

I'm on an off facebook. And here's why. I haven't ever called myself "old school", or "old fashioned".

But, there's something more valuable about someone calling me on my birthday, to say hello, vs typing and posting something on a website, that you're hoping they see.

There's something to be said about seeing 213 friends on your so called "friends" page, and you only have 30 of their numbers.

There's that horrible day you had a work, your crying and sad over something that's bugging you, and you feel like you can't reach out to anyone of those people; in fear of what it may portray on your part, or just be downright awkward. Even the long lost family members that "like" all your photos, or leave sweet comments.

I guess, I value in the flesh, or the effort made.

As a kid, I would write my aunts and uncles hand written letters. And you know what, they were always so touched that they always responded. They always told my mom, Heidi is so sweet! She tries so hard to keep in touch with everyone!

Until now, the calls on my birthday are from my boyfriend and parents. Everyone else sends a text. Which, isn't unnoticed, but calling will make me grin a massive smile, and it means more than something I can press "delete" on.

Long story short, I've not ever been homecoming queen, or been one to have flash mobs of friends. But, the ones that I do have, I want to maintain, and feel as if it's still a mutual care.

I feel when I post something on social media, if it's not earth shattering, no one gives a hoot. (unless you pollute!)

I know the people I can call crying, and they'll talk to me. But, prior to me calling, who's putting in the effort? Why is it ME always have to reach out to OTHER people? I thought we all wondered how so and so was doing? Or have that nagging feeling of, I should really call them. Is that just me, or are people so busy with families now, that friends are obsolete?

I'm 33, and when I log into that site, never have I felt so alone in my life. I cannot grasp how we run to a site to publish everything, vs calling the kids we used to spends hours with, and telling them first? I miss the devotion and loyalty of the true meaning of friendship. I haven't had a best friend in ages. I have a small handful of close ones, but I don't think I'd label even one a best.

And to me, that's heartbreaking.

Also, on the realm of phones and human contact: this is so true.

Can bet half the readers of this entry, won't watch that. Please, do.