Because I suffer from love/hate of social media.

My little blog has been neglected for almost a year.

I'm on an off facebook. And here's why. I haven't ever called myself "old school", or "old fashioned".

But, there's something more valuable about someone calling me on my birthday, to say hello, vs typing and posting something on a website, that you're hoping they see.

There's something to be said about seeing 213 friends on your so called "friends" page, and you only have 30 of their numbers.

There's that horrible day you had a work, your crying and sad over something that's bugging you, and you feel like you can't reach out to anyone of those people; in fear of what it may portray on your part, or just be downright awkward. Even the long lost family members that "like" all your photos, or leave sweet comments.

I guess, I value in the flesh, or the effort made.

As a kid, I would write my aunts and uncles hand written letters. And you know what, they were always so touched that they always responded. They always told my mom, Heidi is so sweet! She tries so hard to keep in touch with everyone!

Until now, the calls on my birthday are from my boyfriend and parents. Everyone else sends a text. Which, isn't unnoticed, but calling will make me grin a massive smile, and it means more than something I can press "delete" on.

Long story short, I've not ever been homecoming queen, or been one to have flash mobs of friends. But, the ones that I do have, I want to maintain, and feel as if it's still a mutual care.

I feel when I post something on social media, if it's not earth shattering, no one gives a hoot. (unless you pollute!)

I know the people I can call crying, and they'll talk to me. But, prior to me calling, who's putting in the effort? Why is it ME always have to reach out to OTHER people? I thought we all wondered how so and so was doing? Or have that nagging feeling of, I should really call them. Is that just me, or are people so busy with families now, that friends are obsolete?

I'm 33, and when I log into that site, never have I felt so alone in my life. I cannot grasp how we run to a site to publish everything, vs calling the kids we used to spends hours with, and telling them first? I miss the devotion and loyalty of the true meaning of friendship. I haven't had a best friend in ages. I have a small handful of close ones, but I don't think I'd label even one a best.

And to me, that's heartbreaking.

Also, on the realm of phones and human contact: this is so true.

Can bet half the readers of this entry, won't watch that. Please, do.