It's been a VERY VERY long week. Both kids are fighting a bug, and Landon's nose is equivalent to a newly installed Kohler faucet in my bathroom.
Jeff called on Skype today, he announced he was going to get a new camera, after insisting that he deserved my waterproof/shockproof/crushproof Olympus camera we've had for 4yrs and still takes great photos, even in water. My jaw dropped. I think I should at least have it mailed back, since lugging my DSLR camera around isn't necessarily fun or light and easy. Not like I can stick something the size of my face, in a pocket. We'll see.
After reflecting on the past 5yrs, I'm openly admitting, I regret many things. And for once, I'm not regretting it in a "wish I hadn't", way. I'm actually embracing it as a learning lesson, and a sense of vindication because I came out on top. Technically speaking.
This is what I learned, marriage is to be flagged with red tape, caution, and whoever you're going to say "yes" to, read the DISCLAIMER!!! EVERYONE has one, everyone has vices, insecurities, if you can't handle, or you even slightly object to those insecurities, run for the frikkin' hills, or discuss them so you understand. EIther adapt, adjust, or don't go further. I've also learned that because kids are involved, it's not a reason to stick things out. Children don't make a marriage, the parents do. If one is unhappy, there's the door, leave, no one should be forced to stay in something out of obligations or guilt. Particularly if you realize you can't stand who that person who has morphed into. And feel they won't ever return to the state of, "who I married". Don't ever feel obligated to fix things!! You're not required to if you're that unhappy!
My whole life I was lead to believe relationships were easy. All you had to do was eat, pray, love and you were set! No one warned me of spousal abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and possible physical harm. No one warned me that you can still cheat without laying a hand on another individual regardless of gender.
Funny, people say Oh my gosh, you are such a strong person! Well yeah, I HAVE to be. I've been to hell and back. People pointing freakin' weapons at me, calling me names, making threats to me and my innocent child. You HAVE to be strong when it's your only option, and you're doing to to protect yourselves. Every cut is numbing now. Few people could "cut" me and really make it hurt. I don't know if that is a good or bad thing, but it's the truth.
All that said aside, not feeling a guilty regret, is kinda refreshing!
No comments:
Post a Comment