Dating 101, again?

I've decided I'm going to be open about this.



I remember once, a neighbors license plate frame one read "Star light, Star bright, where the hell is Mr. Right?"



I'm 30yrs old, and have played about 17 innings of a baseball game of dating. Went out will tall nice guys with military career in full effect, builders, more military (never was on purpose actually, all was freak accident) teachers, students, wireless dorks, (I can say that as I was one too) and engineers. Many walks of life, many differences between me and whoever.



So, I've decided I don't want to play the field. I seriously should just be gay. Oh wait, missing one big detail...not attracted to women. Darn!



As a little girl, I was told to write down the qualities that appeal to me, and that I want. Anyone that doesn't know I was born and raised Mormon, now ya know! The goal of this, is not to be picky, but not to settle for less.



Here it goes:

Tall

Dark hair, light eyes, I have a thing for blue eyes. (Go look at my track record, you'll see this, look at Jeff, ha.)

Clean cut, dresses according to their age

Clicks well with me

Same faith

Stellar goals; emotionally physically, spiritually

Wants/has kids, ok with me having 2 of my own

Gets along not just with my family, but my kids as well

Morally clean, doesn't drink, smoke, swear

Safe driver

Handy with a home, I don't know how to fix plumbing

As affectionate and love giving as I am

LOVES his Mother and has a close bond with her



Spiritual things:

Prays

Read scriptures

Has STRONG faith, and won't ever doubt it or second guess it

Wants a family; for eternity

Is willing to attend church with me and kids, regularly (as I teach Sunday school)

(If you're not LDS, skip this part) Has temple goals

Can bless my kids when they need it.



Good news is, I think I already have a clue as to somoene who fits all of this...WHOA NELLY! Having a clue and acting on it are 2 different things. My divorce is still "pending" almost a year later, no rush, I'm enjoying my time at home with my kids :)

2011, what a year.

This was my year:



January, my husband of almost 3yrs, moved out. Some reason, this blindsided me, even though I knew it was coming. The legal documents were filed Dec 1, 2010.

February, I took on the task of watching little Miri. Who brings me many smiles, and many stresses.

March, my Mom flew in from Bermuda to visit us, and then go see my sister in Idaho.

April, my sweet little sister, Hillary brought my gorgeous nephew, Uriah Aaron into the world.

May, My beloved grandfather, Wayne Elledge, (dad's side) passed away suddenly. I took that VERY hard, and I don't expect to "heal". I never will. But, I'm allowed to miss him. And I do daily.

June, arguing ensured more in my relationship with Jeff, literally to the point of constant tears. I didn't know what had happened. I went to Hawaii just in the nick of time.

July, a best friends grandfather died. I know I had never met him, but to see someone be in my shoes only 7-8wks later after losing my grandpa, was HARD. Very hard. More arguing, and severe tension arose in mine and Jeff's relationship, it was turning to anger.

August, we finally agreed we knew what the start of the fights were, and stopped discussing those topics. Things are slowly improving, and will take a while. Jeff moved out of his leased room in the house 1.8 miles away, and moved about 3.5 miles away. I went to his house the day after he moved in, in hopes it would rid me of some of my guilt and bring more closure. It somewhat has.



My mom always taught me, "The attitude is gratitude". I'm determined to count my blessings. Also do what my Great Grandmother Emma would say, "Look for the good, and praise it!"



With that said, no one I knew was fatally killed by a drunk driver, or murdered. I have my health, a roof over my head, healthy children, and have money in my bank account, and a working vehicle. So many other people in this world, simply don't have those.



Looking for the good in your life, takes 2 seconds. Think of a new one daily, and make a "I'm grateful for", list in your home. Write something NEW down each day. And months before thanksgiving is around, you'll already have your list. So on the days you're feeling a bit off, or just having a hard time, you can look back on that, and realize the plus things in your life, in which are little blessings. I'm going to start mine tonight. My first and foremost things I'm immensely grateful for, and will always come #1 to me, my family. Siblings and my own kids. They all make me smile, laugh, cry and have nothing but unconditional love for me, the one thing that only a family can give.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

I don't know why I'm not nearly as good as updating this but I guess something is better than nothing, right?



Here it goes!





Jeff got his orders this morning, and BACK TO BREMERTON!! I can't emphasize how utterly ecstatic I am. I was so worried they wouldn't be sympathetic to our situation and ship him off to either Japan, or VA. For those of you who don't realize it, Jeff was stationed in Bremerton for 5 years. He's spent almost 7 out of his 9yrs in the Navy, in WA. Which to be honest, is unheard of. Not many spend this many contracts in the same state. Yes, we've had to moved within our state, but never out of it. It legally would be a mess from a Leena's Dad's side of the family for us to move out of state. We were praying that we'd just stay somewhere near by. And, tada!



I know our situation is on hiatus, but doesn't mean this isn't a "we" thing, it effects him as much as it does me. I'm the Mom of 2 kids who have a full time military Dad. Who will be on deployments and such. Which the good news, they usually go on deployments at the beginning at the year, so I'm hoping he misses a small portion of it before he gets on actual deployment, or just misses it all together, since he will be moving back there in April. (Trend is to leave in January for deployments, not in all cases, but with his ship usually is the case.) Upside, just in the past few years, things like video chatting have become a lot more accessible, and easier to use especially overseas and for military. So, here's hoping I won't have to send him a photo of the day of the kids, and he can just see them himself! At least when he's in port that is. I'm really excited for Jeff, and for our kids. They're so attached to him and it seems like they've had to go through a lot lately, I hope this will become something that's easier on them in time. Keyword, time.



As far as home life, Leena is still in South Africa. I talked to her the other day,she's such a little comic. She told me she was at a hotel on the Indian Ocean, and was debating on going swimming. I guess she could see a shark net from her window. How's that for SCARY?! She's had a blast visiting family and grandparents overseas this summer, my little world traveler at age 9, totally BAFFLES me! She's got like 8 stamps on her passport! I don't even have one! So jealous! I am so ready for her to be home, I miss my sweet Angel Leena!



Landon is getting a heck of a vocabulary! He's conjugating words and sentences like it's no ones business. Which means we are on MAJOR filter mode and have to watch it! I told him "Landon! Knock it off!" and he looks at Jeff as he's picking him up and says "Nokk it off!" We were like oh boy, could've been so much worse!



I'm SO excited though. I've got all their birthday party invites ready to print out. I bought the templates on Etsy, and just print them when I need, it's awesome! Leena's theme is a Night in Paris, and it's a black tie event. I'm going to find some Damask fabric and borrow someones cricut and get "a night in Paris" in fancy letters cut out, and glue them onto the fabric and have a red carpet where the girls can walk into the house, and then go over to the backdrop and get their picture taken with the Eiffel tower or something. I'm not sure what I want else in it, but we'll see! Leena's cake will be an Eiffel tower. I personally am up for the challenge and also think I'm nothing short of ambitious and slightly insane!



Landon's theme is "Let's fly away", and it's all airplanes. I'm going to master a fondant recipe I was given that's supposedly really good and try to make his cake be a suitcase or something. Too bad I have NO idea how to do that, but I'm sure I can google it and read how to do it!



As far as me, I BOUGHT A NEW CAR!!





I got it a few days ago, it's a 2010 Ford Fusion SE, it's silver. It has the Sync which basically is a robot that gives you turn by turn directions, plays your music for you, takes voice commands and a slough of other things. Sadly, that lady pissed me off yesterday and I'm still recouping from the anger I held against that robot for saying my commands weren't valid. What a wench, haha. The upside to my buying experience, was they wanted a low ball offer on my Passat, which we paid way more than they were offering me. I said, tell you what, put leather in the new car, and we can go from there. They said, deal! So, this weekend or next week, I get leather in the new car, which will match the inside, which is black/gray. I'm excited about it because my Passat got 16mpg City, and 21/hwy. This one, granted it feels like it lacks horsepower, but it gets 24/city and 29-32/hwy!! My gas bill will decline and that makes me happy! Just not happy about a car payment, but it was either going to keep dropping money into an older car that was due to blow up on me any day, or invest in a new one, get a chance to treat it way better, and go from there. So, here's to a fresh start for 30, right? Yes!



As far as everything else, things are getting better. I switched some medication about a month...month and a half ago. And I'm pretty sure poor Jeff hated me. It made me pretty neurotic and much more temper mental than I've ever been in my life. He did admit at one point he hated coming over here because he had to deal with me. So, I've decided, just not going to be on any medicines. This wasn't required, just was for female things. And ever since I stopped taking it, been fine. Go figure! I will admit, as time goes by, I have a hard time adjusting to a big house all by myself. Having to go back to work eventually to pay my portion of the mortgage come next spring, all these things will overwhelm me briefly. Many times people have said, you guys need to reconcile, work it out! It's sad and crappy to say this, but even if we tried, feelings changed. I think Jeff's half wanting to move on, but doesn't see the point when he's about to move 60 miles from where he is currently, and will be going on deployments. Deployments go easier if you're single. But, after weeks of fights, run-in, and mostly me being weird, I think we've hit our high point and are on great terms. The other thing is, I'm sooo protective of my kids, and Jeff. We're still legally married, I'll always love him, as he's a great Dad and someone I had planned to stick the rest of my life out with. Granted it may not have worked like we liked, but he's still a big part of my life and I'll always keep an eye out for my kids, and him. When I'd met him, someone else had put him through the ringer, so I'm protective of Jeff. And, don't want other girls around my kids, period. We've established very detailed ground rules, that are to be followed by both. We have several. I think that has made our relationship better that we're on the same page for so many things, and get what the other is saying. It took a few months for us to get where we are now due to raw emotions, wondering if this is a good or bad thing...but all that aside, I feel like I can confidently call him a good friend, which is exactly how I've always wanted it. Whew! Cheers to the future!



Jeff is moving into a new place this weekend. He's been living with a single mom and her kids for about 7ms, just leasing out a room in her house. I guess he doesn't have much room there, so when Landon spends the night, it's crammed. So, he went and got an apartment a few miles down the road that will suit him and the kids when he has them. He's moving in this weekend! I kinda want to see it. I know he was excited about getting Landon a bed for his house, he wanted a buzz light year one for him, haha.



Well, I think I'm officially caught up on my blog for the month....we'll see!

A little thanks...

This year has been an interesting little ride at the fair. Jeff and I are on good terms, we're not BFF like I'd wished, but we do get along, which is ideal.

Just wanted to thank everyone for their support and for NOT taking sides. There are no sides on this, nor do either of us want a "Team Jeff" or "Team Heidi", we just want people to still hang out with us, still call us, etc.

Jeff is due to find out new orders soon, he was told his job is under manned....in JAPAN. I can't stand the thought of him being way over there. Some foreign country, without ever seeing his kids, I KNOW would kill him. SO cross your fingers all that he doesn't get sent there. We're aiming back for Bremerton since it's the closest base to our current residence. It's about an hour from me, which isn't too bad. It's better than Japan!!!

Again, thanks all for the support, there are 2 sides to every story, mine and Jeffs has no faults with either party. We still want people to come and visit, our home is always open and Jeff will even stay here while you're here. We see each other daily, and always have fun as a family, still. We intend to keep this up until the day Jeff has to move.

Thanks!

Been a while!

I swear I forget about this thing from time to time, but...it happens, it's called life!

June 21st, I boarded a plane at 10:25am, bound for Lihue. I loaded up my cell phone with a good solid charge, headphones and a slough of new music, thanks to the free wifi at seatac, when I didn't have cell service. I was bound for Lihue. It was a LOONG flight, about 6hrs. The "exciting" part was the fresh rain that had just poured of Lihue International Airport, and we fish tailed on landing, making us ALL piss our pants for a split second there. HA.

The nice part was, I went 3hrs backwards, so I got there at 1:35 or so, around then. Went, grabbed my rental car, pulled up directions to the cute little place I'd booked for my visit, and was on my way to Poipu Beach. I wasn't paying attention while driving along the coastline, and I noticed something jumping out of the water...pulled over, and I noticed it was a pod of dolphins off playing in the water! SO cute, not to mention cool! It wasn't too tricky to learn my way around, luckily.

I went to Waimea Canyon, little Koloa Town, many times as that was the town I was in, and much more. Here's the photos!











I've been to Hawaii....4 times now. And Kauai is the one with the MOST chickens. They roam free, EVERYWHERE there. They wake up at 3:45am and start their freakin' noises. That was the one downfall. I'd wake up for an hour because of them, then go back to sleep. Part of me wants to say they're protected, but I almost beg to differ cause I think every restaurant had a ton of chicken dishes, haha.

I think one of my highlights was going to Hanalei Bay, I have a deep love for the movie South Pacific, which was filmed on that bay, so that was on my must do list and it was nothing less than spectacular!











The one downfall about this trip, besides having to go home to my children; whom I missed sincerely. Was, my friend booked a catamaran cruise of the Na Pali coast for me..I get there, thinking oh, it'll be so cool! Get on there, and notice it's a bit wobbly, as we were just kinda floating there, to be expected right? As I'm people watching, we take off..about a half hour into things, my stomach just feels off. Not queasy, just off. Which apparently was enough to make me lose my sandwich over the side. But, the nice part was, I wasn't the only one. Not so nice part, I throw up the ENTIRE 5 HOUR tour!! I was able to hand my camera off to someone else for pictures, and kinda look when I dared to take my eye off the horizon, I just watched it out of the corner of my eye. I felt horrible for my friend who sent me on that, and I felt horrible physically. I threw up on the dot, every 10-15mn. After a while, the crew just eneded up giving me a barf bag, and when that one got ful, handed me another one. I didn't even have anything in me to lose, but whatever my body was trying to compensate for, came up. Really burned and was not cool. All in all, that's a must see place, I HIGHLY recommend people go! I had a blast!

farewell, for now

I flew to Tucson Friday afternoon for my grandpa Waynes funeral, which was ha following day. What a beautiful service! I sent to the viewing at 9am Saturday. I waked into the room to view his body. I looked at him. He was taken care of, well. I felt so overwhelmed though. I looked back at my grandma Betty, I said, he looks good. I said it with a trembling voice and tears streaming down my face. I knew he was in a better place, but my heart was still broken it seemed.

My dad and mom and all siblings flew in, except Mikelle. Dad gave the eulogy. He held back tears a few times, which made us cry. All the grandkids sung I am a child of god. It was sweet. I had a hard time emotionally keeping tears in. I let my cousins sing for me.

We had a police escort to the Binghampton LDS cemetery, where my brothers, Dad, uncles and cousins lowered him into the ground. He's buried next to his.first wife, Shirley. Who died at age 38 of breast cancer,.my dad was 15. He's also buried below his mom and dad as well as my sister Ashlee. We stayed to throw flowers onto his casket, then give Ashlee, Grandma and Grandpa Elledge flowers and to pay respect to them. As emotional as the weekend was, it was more than worth the time and money. Life is so very short. Make friends with enemies, be kind to everyone, forgive those who have hurt you long ago. I haven't seen some Elledge family members in 20yrs. It took a funeral to change that. I'm determined to keep in better touch with them now. Even more than before.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

God be with you til we meet again, Grandpa.

This breaks my heart writing. But, I hope it will aid me to not be so sad.



Friday, my beloved Grandpa Wayne, fell ill. It escalated to the point that my grandmother felt the need to call 911, and get him immediate medical attention. My Aunt emailed us of the circumstances, and that we should all pray for him and she would keep us posted. As we all fasted and prayed for him to make a speedy recovery. I got an email from my mom this morning, to call her ASAP. My heart sank. It was in a giant double knot as I hit "Call" on my Skype. I heard her voice tremble, as she told me my sweet grandpa had passed at 8am MST this morning. I immediately broke down into tears, and have many in my eyes as I write this.

I'll remember his stories of olden days, and modern. The many about family history, old prospector tales, La Eurena stories of the southwest. The list goes on. I'll miss his jokes, his sense of humor, his never ending love of the gospel and Christ. What a role model I was blessed with! He had such wise advice, and spoke with such depth and sincerity and love. Not everyone can do all of those at one, but he did.

He was faced with trials in life, and got through them well. I admire him for being true to his faith, to his children.

I miss you grandpa, my heart is in pieces, but it will heal. I'm so glad you're in a better place, are surrounded by love and such beautiful people.

Grandma, I'm praying so much for you. I can't thank you enough for being so sweet to me all these years. I love you so much! I will come visit you anytime, you've always been my grandma to me!

This is a time where I'm glad I have my faith. I believe, that if you're religious or not, the thought of a heaven, is better than 6ft under. I know his casket will be, but his spirit lives on among wonderous people.